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Nintendo's Amazing New Project Leaked
Sources close to the company today confirmed to Sliced Gaming that Nintendo's big push this holiday season will be Wii Screensaver (RRP AUD$99.95), a revolutionary new title for the system already in huge demand following the success of Wii Fit and inevitable success of Wii Music.
Wii Screensaver consists of many breathtaking landscapes, several colourful lightshows and over three different music tracks that are all guaranteed to make your TV look less boring when it's not in use. It takes gaming controls to a whole new level, by not giving them to the player at all. All control has been taken out of the hands of the gamer, making it impossible for anyone to know what feels like to be sad at losing, and therefore, rather ironically, making it impossible for anyone to know what it feels like to be happy too. Nintendo is continuing with its revolutionary 'blue ocean' strategy of making sure the hardcore supporters that kept them afloat during the Gamecube era feel completely alienated.
Word has it that Wii Screensaver will be targeted at the previously untapped comatose market. "We feel that vegetables have to date been unfairly ignored by videogame companies," Nintendo America President Reggie Fils-Aime didn't say yesterday. "Wii Screensaver will keep their screens from suffering burn-in in the months or years until they wake up, or until the plug is pulled and the next patient is wheeled in." Fils-Aime did not seem concerned that the target market is unlikely to buy more than one game, hinting that the company was already thinking about targeting conscious terminally ill patients with a 'You've Had A Good Life' Wii bundle containing the long-awaited black Wii system.
Released alongside the game will be the Wii Remote Stand (RRP AUD$39.95), which lets players neatly hang up their Wii Remotes when they are playing the game. Never again will you have to put up with simply putting them on the table or in a drawer. Nintendo did quietly mention that the the Wii Remote Stand was not compatible with Wii MotionPlus, though whispers suggest we may be seeing a Wii Remote Stand Wii MotionPlus Stand Adapter (RRP AUD$39.95) to enable this in the future.
Wii Screensaver is compatible with up to infinite players, though Nintendo's advice to keep an arm's width of space between players limits this practical application of this functionality. While Fils-Aime was hesitant to guarantee that it would help comatose players, he made clear that it would not call them fat and, besides, they were "basically dead anyway."
Nintendo Co., Ltd., of Kyoto, Japan, is the acknowledged worldwide leader in the creation of interactive entertainment. To date, Nintendo has sold more than one billion video games worldwide, created such industry icons as Mario and Donkey Kong and launched franchises like The Legend of Zelda and Pokémon. Lately, they have shunned their longtime fans in favour of shallow appeals to a wider audience that can only last for so long before the fickle public move on to the next big thing. Nintendo has clearly never seen one of those college movies where a geek abandons his friends to hang out with the jocks, who ditch him at the end of the second act, and the geek then has to crawl back to his nerdy pals with the realisation that all along they were his true supporters who only wanted what was best for him, and he was a real douchebag to them.